Learning to Talk to Anyone

Have you ever been to a seminar, and you start to groan when the speaker asks the crowd to turn and greet each other? Or do you find that your lunch time is often spent only between your lunch and you. You are not alone. There are many people who simply fear to interact with people.



Do you envy those who seem to have a gift of the gab and seem almost to have friends everywhere? Well, know your enemy and the battle is won. Your enemy in this article is about your fear of interacting with people, and it seeks you to understand fear better, so that you can start to lead an even more purposeful life.

Now, there are external and internal fears that some people would face. External fear is something that happens outside of you, that you are strongly motivated t o avoid, such as fear of spiders or heights. Internal fear is something that developed within you, such that you link a negative emotion to, such as fear of talking because of embarrassment. The fear of talking to strangers, public speaking and making more friends probably came from an event that you previously experienced directly or indirectly, and it caused you much embarrassment.

Understand Your Fear
Essentially there is a sense of loss of control, when that particular event happened, and you start to form an opinion of yourself there and then. Once that limiting belief of "I can't talk to anyone" is formed, you clam up when similar events happen in the future. However, what is important to note is that you accepted that limiting belief, because you believed in it yourself. Do you think a monkey ever thinks that it is scared of heights and refuse to swing from tree to tree to search for food? No! It's only humans like you and I who think that way. It is this mechanism in human beings that seem to prevent us from being the best that we can be.

Confronting and Breaking this Fear
You can start by first thinking about that incident that happened to you. Most of the time, these incidents happened when you were younger than seven years of age. Your mind was like a sponge then, absorbing everything it remembered, and tagging the events, as positive or negative. So, ask yourself what the positive learning points were, when you thought of that incident. This is called re-framing. A friend of mine is so positive that when you ask him, "Is this cup of water, half full or half empty?" He would shout, "I have water to drink!" Your new ability to reframe everything will be the most important skill in your life.

The second way is to take action and that is by smiling and looking at people when you talk to them. Every time you order something from the take away, smile at the cashier directly and thank her when she keys in your order. Every time you sit down to eat, look directly into the waiter's eye, smile and thank him when he places your order on the table. This action of smiling at people can start a whole new chain of reaction that makes you more confident.

The Way Ahead
These two steps are the start in living a more purposeful and becoming a more sociable you. You will realise that your life becomes more meaningful when your social network expands. Life becomes more positive. The air seems fresher, and even the stray dog in the neighbourhood seems to wag its tail every time it sees you. You have everything to gain.

Cheers,
Mark

Impossible is Nothing

Everyone, at some point of his or her life, has dreamed of being somebody special, somebody big. Who hasn't fantasized about being the one who hits the game-winning homer? Who hasn't dreamed of being the homecoming queen? And how many times have we dreamed of being rich, or successful, or happy with our relationships?

Often, we dream big dreams and have great aspirations. Unfortunately, our dreams remain just that – dreams. And our aspirations easily collect dust in our attic.

This is a sad turn of events in our life. Instead of experiencing exciting adventures in self actualization, we get caught up in the humdrum of living from day-to-day just barely existing.

But you know what? Life could be so much better, if only we learned to aim higher.

The most common problem to setting goals is the word impossible. Most people get hung up thinking I can't do this. It's too hard. It's too impossible. No one can do this.

However, if everyone thought that, there would be no inventions, no innovations, and no breakthroughs in human accomplishment.

Remember that scientists were baffled when they took a look at the humble bumblebee. Theoretically, they said, it was impossible for the bumblebee to fly. Unfortunately for the bumble, bee no one has told it so. So fly it does.

On the other hand, some people suffer from dreaming totally outrageous dreams and not acting on them. The result? Broken dreams, and tattered aspirations.

If you limit yourself with self-doubt, and self-limiting assumptions, you will never be able to break past what you deem impossible. If you reach too far out into the sky without working towards your goal, you will find yourself clinging on to the impossible dream.

Try this exercise. Take a piece of paper and write down some goals in your life. Under one header, list down things ‘you know you can do’. Under another header, write the things ‘you might be able to do.’ And under one more, list the things that that are ‘impossible for you to do.’

Now look at all the headers strive every day to accomplish the goals that are under things ‘you know you can do’. Check them when you are able to accomplish them. As you slowly are able to check all of your goals under that heading, try accomplishing the goals under the other header-the one that reads ‘you might be able to do.’

As of the items you wrote under things I could do are accomplished, you can move the goals that are under things that are ‘impossible for you to do’ to the list of things ‘you might be able to do.’

As you iterate through this process, you will find out that the goals you thought were impossible become easier to accomplish. And the impossible begin to seem possible after all.

You see, the technique here is not to limit your imagination. It is to aim high, and start working towards that goal little by little. However, it also is unwise to set a goal that is truly unrealistic.

Those who just dream towards a goal without working hard end up disappointed and disillusioned.

On the other hand, if you told someone a hundred years ago that it was possible for man to be on the moon, they would laugh at you. If you had told them that you could send mail from here to the other side of the world in a few seconds, they would say you were out of your mind. But, through sheer desire and perseverance, these impossible dreams are now realities.

Thomas Edison once said that genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration. Nothing could be truer. For one to accomplish his or her dreams, there has to be had work and discipline. But take note that that 1% has to be a think-big dream, and not some easily accomplished one.

Ask any gym rat and he or she will tell you that there can be no gains unless you are put out of your comfort zone. Remember the saying, “No pain, no gain”? That is as true as it can be.

So dream on, friend! Don’t get caught up with your perceived limitations. Think big and work hard to attain those dreams. As you step up the ladder of progress, you will just about find out that the impossible has just become a little bit more possible.


cheers,
Mark